


The Face of Her Enemy

by orphan_account



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fem!Allen, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Noah!Kanda, Psychological Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:32:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13868322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: What was she supposed to say to the man she loved?What was she supposed to say to the man who turned out to be her enemy?That she hated him for his betrayal?That she loved him, even though he hurt her and her family?She wouldn’t have much time to figure it out though, for they were going to meet again, but not the way either of them wanted.Allen at least wanted to have her mind in one piece while speaking to him. Her damage didn’t help either of them.





	1. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Man...Yuu-chan sure has caused us some trouble...”
> 
> “Why...why are you doing this...? Why are you leaving...?” ‘Leaving me...?’ 
> 
> “It was an order from the Earl. Who am I to disobey?”
> 
> “I hate you.”

Allen had been on her way back to the Order when she got an urgent call from Komui. She was previously on a mission, and had been heading home on a train ride with the innocence from that mission. However, Komui had called her with news that shook her to the core.

_“Exorcist Kanda Yuu is an enemy to the Black Order. He’s a Noah.”_

She couldn’t even focus enough to listen to the rest. Komui’s words replayed again and again in her head. All she could think about was all of the soft touches they shared. The smiles. The laughs. She began to wonder if it was all fake. Why would Kanda betray them? Why would he turn out to be a Noah? Why did she fall in love with him? Why, why, _why_? Those were the questions running through her head. Nothing else. She faintly heard Komui saying she’d help track Kanda down, and her heart stopped.

Allen glanced out the window, and noticed they were almost back to the Order. Her eyes widened as she realized just how quickly she’d have to confront him. Timcanpy noticed her distress and flew around her, trying to calm her down. When he noticed it wasn’t working, he nuzzled her cheek. The girl snapped out of her daze, and gently cupped the golem, biting her lip in worry.

* * *

When she and the finder got back to the Order, the finder took the innocence to Hevlaska. Allen went on to join everyone in searching for Kanda. Apparently, he had summoned akuma, for there had been quite a few around. “Allen!” A voice exclaimed. The girl turned and saw both Lenalee and Lavi running over to her. Allen dodged an attack from one of the akuma, before using the sword of exorcism to slice it in half.

“Lenalee! Lavi!” She called. “Are you two alright?!” She asked, looking at them. Her friends nodded in response.

“We’re fine. A bit bruised from the akuma attacks, but we’re okay.” Lavi answered. “Man...Yuu-chan sure has caused us some trouble...”   The male sighed. Lenalee nodded in agreement.

“I’ll be sure to hit him with my clipboard.” She said, crossing her arms. Allen stared at them, surprised. They all had horrible experiences with the Noah, and yet they’re acting like Kanda was just being a jerk? When she took a double take on their faces, however, she saw that there were pain in their eyes. Allen frowned as she noticed it, looking away from them. Her head jerked up at the sound of the trees and bushes rustling. Lavi and Lenalee were suddenly on guard, the two activating their innocence. Akuma came out from their hiding spots, and attacked.

* * *

Somewhere during the battle, Allen caught sight of a shadow moving, and her mind was telling her to chase it. Her feet moved without her permission, and she ran off, leaving no explanation. She’d never know that Lenalee and Lavi knew why she left. Allen ran as fast as her legs would carry her in order to catch up the shadow. Soon enough though, she lost track of it. She stood in the middle of a forest clearing, trying to catch her breath. “Che, Baka Moyashi.”

Allen’s eyes widened, and she looked around for the source. Behind her, stood Kanda. The male didn’t look like himself though. His normal cobalt eyes were now gold, and his skin was now a darker tone; a Noah’s tone. She gasped, not wanting to believe it was true. “K-Kanda...” She stammered, walking over to him. “Why...why are you doing this...? Why are you leaving...?” _‘Leaving me...?’_ Kanda’s arms were crossed as he looked at her.

“What a stupid question, Moyashi. I’m a Noah, an enemy to the Order. An enemy, to you.” Her blood ran cold, heart clenching with agony. His eyes didn’t have that gentle look in them like they usually did when he looked at her. They were cold. Harsh and fiendish. Was this the true Kanda? His true feelings? She always knew Kanda was hiding something. But she never thought it’d be something like this.

“Why...?” She murmured. “Why do all of this? Why _betray_ us?!” Allen snapped, staring at him with nothing but fury in her eyes. If Kanda was surprised by the question and the look in her eyes, he didn’t show it. He simply looked at her, smirking.

“It was an order from the Earl. Who am I to disobey?” He replied. She clenched her jaw, trying to control her anger. However, it proved to be no use because she let out a cry of anguish, and charged forward, moving to punch him. Kanda caught her fist quickly, looking down at her. Allen glared at him with hatred in her eyes. She ignored how much her heart hurt. She ignored the thoughts of his arms around her again, or his soft spoken good mornings. Or the way he kissed her goodnight. She ignored all of it.

“ _I hate you._ ” She growled out, her own eyes becoming cold. Kanda’s mask seemed to slip and his eyes widened, before they narrowed, and he continued to act his part. He then grabbed her wrist, his arm around her waist as he pulled her close.

“Is that so?” He mumbled, looking bored. “Well, in that case, I guess you don’t mind me leaving the Order then.” With that, he used his hand to hit one of her pressure points. Allen’s eyes widened and she slumped forward, falling into him as her eyes fell shut. Kanda held her, his nose resting on the crown of her hair. “Idiot...” He whispered. “Don’t assume I wanted to hurt you.” He gently picked her up, holding her close to him as he carried her back to her friends.

* * *

Lenalee and Lavi blinked as they saw Kanda holding an out cold Allen. “Moyashi-chan!” Lavi exclaimed, easily taking the girl from Kanda. Lenalee stood in front of her friends protectively, her innocence activated. Kanda sighed, looking at them. He tried to ignore his anger at the sight of the rabbit holding what was his.

“Che, relax. Just dropping off the Moyashi before she can run into trouble.” He grumbled. Lenalee looked at him oddly, as did Lavi.

“You...didn’t hurt her, did you?” The girl asked, her voice firm and somewhat cold. Kanda rolled his eyes.

“No.” He answered. “When she wakes up..don’t tell her I brought her to you two.” Was all Kanda said, before beginning to walk through an ark door.

“Y-Yuu-chan wait!” Lavi called out. Kanda stopped, a frown on his face. “Why are you betraying us?” He couldn’t help asking. Kanda looked back at him, a semblance of a sad smirk on his face.

“Baka usagi. Don’t ask such stupid questions.” With that, he was gone. Lavi and Lenalee watched as the ark disappeared, before they both looked over at Allen. She laid in Lavi’s arms, resting against his chest. Lavi and Lenalee shared a look, before the two began to make their way back to the Order. Kanda had called back the akuma, and now everyone was making sure they were safe before going home. Lenalee’s gaze landed on Allen every once in a while. She was worried for her. The same questions ran through their minds, even though Kanda gave them an answer already.

_‘Why...?’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I’m back with a new story~. This one is a bit different from my other ones lol. I’m trying for a more...extremely serious and angsty story? I guess? Anyways, with this story, I want to focus a lot on what the characters are feeling, and how they deal with the situation they’re placed in. So, if anyone has any sort of advice or critique, please don’t hesitate to tell me! I’d love to hear it! I hope you all enjoyed, and I’ll see you all next chapter! Bai!


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you don’t feel like smiling, it’s okay to cry. You don’t have to force a smile, Allen-chan.”
> 
> “No...I wasn’t able to...I’m sorry Komui.” 
> 
> “Welcome back.~ How was your mission, Wrathra?~”
> 
> “If you touch her Road, I won’t hesitate to slice you.”

She gasped as she shot up, supporting the weight of her body with her arms. Sweat rolled down her face as she looked around, seeing the room she was in. It was her own. She looked down, seeing the blanket on her and noticing she was in bed. Allen put her head in one of her hands as she sat up more; the events of the day before replaying in her mind. “Kanda...you bastard...” She grumbled. She was such a fool, wasn’t she? Getting so upset over a jerk like him. Her door opened, and in came Lenalee. She had a soft smile on her face, but Allen could tell it was somewhat forced.

“Hey Allen...how are you feeling?” Lenalee questioned, her voice soft as she spoke. Allen looked over at her, faking a small smile.

“A bit groggy, but I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” She replied softly. Lenalee’s smile faltered slightly.

“Allen...” She murmured, walking over to her. Lenalee always knew that there was something going on between Kanda and Allen. She had her suspicions, but seeing the way Kanda held her the day before, her suspicions were confirmed. The older girl gently pulled the younger close, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. Allen’s head rested on Lenalee’s shoulder, her eyes wide in surprise. “If you don’t feel like smiling, it’s okay to cry. You don’t have to force a smile, Allen-chan.” She whispered soothingly, running her fingers through the girl’s soft white locks.

Allen wasn’t sure how to feel, or what to do. She simply let her head stay there, and slowly moved her arms to cling to Lenalee, as the tears began to fall, her emotions crashing down on her like waves. She sobbed, and Lenalee held her, soothing her pain best she could. The girl didn’t need any sort of explanation for her friend’s pain. She already knew.

After Kanda had left the Order, teams of finders were sent out to scout for the Noah, in hopes of finding him. Komui made sure to tighten security around the Order, in case there had been any lingering akuma. Exorcists that weren’t recovering from wounds or not on any missions were sent to patrol for akuma. “Brother!” Lenalee exclaimed, making Komui look up from his work. His sister had been dragging a tired looking Allen behind her.

“Ah, Lenalee, Allen. Good morning.” He greeted with a kind smile. The two girls looked at him, both giving small smiles. Although, Komui noticed how Allen’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Please, take a seat.” He said softly. The two complied, sitting down. “Allen...I need you to tell me about what happened last night. Were you able to get Kanda to tell you anything before he left?” The male questioned, looking at her. Allen looked at him, frowning before she shook her head.

“No...I wasn’t able to...I’m sorry Komui.” She apologized quietly, looking at the ground. Komui frowned a bit, nodding.

“I see. Thank you anyways, Allen.” He said, giving the girl a gentle smile. Allen nodded her head in response. Komui took notice of how doleful she seemed. He and Lenalee made eye contact with one another, his sister sending him a silent message. It was one he understood well. “Since it’s still early, why don’t you two go get some breakfast? Jerry’s made a batch of delicious pancakes if I do say so myself.” Komui suggested, adding in a comical wink. Lenalee rolled her eyes, giggling at her brother’s antics. She smiled a bit, standing up and pulling Allen up from the couch.

The two girls left Komui’s office, heading to the cafeteria to order breakfast. Allen didn’t order as much as she usually would. She didn’t feel as hungry as she normally was. The loss of Kanda hit her hard. She looked around the cafeteria, as if she were looking for something, or someone. But she knew she wouldn’t find him there. Even with being surrounded by her friends, and listening to them talk, Allen had never felt so _alone_. The cafeteria had never seemed so empty.

* * *

Kanda stared at the glowing moon, a bored look on his face. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. His hand was resting by Mugen, and his eyes were trained on the somewhat starry sky. His mind was overrun with thoughts of the Moyashi. All he could think about was the hurt expression on her face, and the way her words stung him. Human emotions were so troublesome. But did he really blame her? He experienced those ‘troublesome human emotions’ too. He grew attached to her. Even though he knew he’d have to leave.

He didn’t have the right to feel regret, or pain. He hurt her. Now he’d have to live with that guilt. He _hurt_ his most precious person. Even though he _promised_ to _protect_ her. Kanda frowned as he stared at the moon. It seemed that everything he saw lately reminded him of her. He couldn’t stand it. He wanted to forget her. Mark her off as an enemy to the Noah, and pretend she was nothing more. But every time he tried to do that he remembered her eyes, that held nothing but care and love. For _him_.

_“Kanda, you idiot! Don’t sit up so quickly!” She exclaimed, gently pushing him back down. He stared up at her as she began to change his bandages. Kanda found it odd as she changed the bandages on his wound. He wasn’t used to his wounds being treated with gentleness. Or treated at all really. He was a Noah, with fast healing abilities. Whenever he did get injured, he was normally healed before he returned to the Order. “You’ve lost a lot of blood...it’s amazing how quickly you woke up.” Allen said softly, looking at him. Kanda stared at her eyes, seeing relief in them._

_“Che, I’m fine, Moyashi.” He mumbled, not used to her worry. Sure, Lenalee had always expressed her worry when they had missions and he got hurt, but she’d start crying in relief, smothering him in hugs and with constant words of “thank god,”. Allen, however, shed no tears. She made sure he was okay, and all he had to do was look at her eyes to see her emotions. Allen looked at him, a frown on her face._

_“My name is Allen!” She snapped. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move, okay?” She said, her tone firm and unwavering. Kanda simply hummed in response, staring up at the ceiling. She left the room, and Kanda slowly sat himself up. He looked around the room, seeing he was back in their hotel room._

_“Did the Moyashi carry me here...?” He wondered out loud. Kanda sighed, moving to stand from the bed he was laying in. However, he soon learned he couldn’t move his legs and he fell. Growling, he tried to pick himself up. He suddenly remembered just what exactly happened to him. He and Allen were on a akuma extermination mission, and an akuma came up from behind him and stabbed his back. Kanda figures the akuma hit one of his nerves. Sighing, he tried to get up once more. He knew that he’d be healed eventually, but it was still annoying._

_Kanda didn’t hear the door open. Nor did he hear the footsteps. “Dammit...I can’t walk...” He cursed. He did however, hear a thud. He looked over at the source and saw Allen standing in front of him, her eyes wide._

_“Y-You what...?” She murmured, her voice shaky. Kanda frowned, looking away from her._

_“That damn akuma hit one of my nerves. I can’t walk.” He explained, not bringing up his fast healing abilities. He wasn’t surprised by the hug he was enveloped in. He wasn’t surprised by the sounds of the girl’s cries, or teary apologies. He was surprised by the warm feeling in his chest. Almost awkwardly, he wrapped his arms around her. They sat there for a few minutes. When they made eye contact again, Kanda didn’t see pity in her eyes. He saw guilt._

“Welcome back.~ How was your mission, Wrathra?~” A voice spoke, alerting Kanda to the person’s presence. He turned around only to see Road standing there, with a smile on her face. Kanda scoffed.

“Che, go ask the Earl. He has everything I know.” He replied. The girl besides him frowned.

“Oh no. This won’t do. Wrathra is in a bad mood.” She said.

“Don’t call me by that name!” Kanda snapped, glaring at her. Road giggled, smiling that creepy smile of hers.

“Oh?~ Would you prefer I called you Kanda?” She asked, looking at him. Kanda didn’t answer, deciding to ignore her. “Maybe you’d prefer it if Allen-chan called you by your name again.” Road wondered aloud. Kanda tensed, not making any noticeable movements. “Now that I think about it...you and her got quite close, right? You know it’d be bad if you were in love with your enemy...” She continued. “Oh! That’s it! Allen-chan is the reason why you’re so upset!” Kanda grit his teeth, clenching his fists as he tried not to snap at her. “We’ll have to fix that! Don’t worry Wrathra, I’ll make sure Allen-chan won’t distract you anymore!~” Road sang, smiling. Kanda turned over to glare daggers at her.

“If you touch her Road, I won’t hesitate to slice you.” He threatened. Road giggled, not answering as she began to walk away.

“I haven’t played with Allen-chan in sooo long! This’ll be so much fun!~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here’s chapter two! So, I’m trying my best to avoid making Allen’s character seem weak, but I feel like she wouldn’t have an easy time adjusting to the pain of losing someone she loves, especially since it isn’t the first time it’s happened. Also, throughout the next few chapters, she isn’t going to have the best of times either. But I promise I’m not just going to make her forever weak! So, with that in mind, I hope you all enjoyed, and I’ll see you all in the next chapter! Bai!


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I...I think he might’ve been a spy for the Earl.”
> 
> “That bastard played us like instruments and threw us away when he was satisfied.”
> 
> “Hi Allen-chan!~”
> 
> “I’ll make sure you won’t have any reason to love Wrathra anymore.”

Allen stared out the window, watching as the train rolled past a forest. Her head rested on her hand as Lenalee and Lavi continued to happily converse about anything that came to mind. Timcanpy sat on Allen’s head, his tail swinging back and forth every once in a while. Allen’s eyes began to drift closed, and she started to fall asleep. Timcanpy noticed his master was falling asleep and he decided to join her, folding up his wings and wrapping his tail around himself on her head. Lenalee’s eyes glanced over at her friend, and she smiled softly. Lavi looked over at her as well, cracking a grin.

It had been about two months since Kanda left the Order. Things had calmed down considerably, especially for the exorcists. Lena and Lavi noticed that little by little, Allen was returning to her old self. It made them happy to see her almost back to normal. They just hoped she wasn’t faking her happiness. The two knew the girl tended to hide how she was really feeling, or she pretended nothing was on her mind. Lenalee and Lavi made eye contact, not needing to say what they were thinking about, for they both already knew. “Y’know, I still can’t wrap my head around why Yuu-chan even snuck into the Order if he was a Noah the whole time...” Lavi murmured, looking away from Lenalee.

The girl frowned softly, looking down at her lap as she clenched her fists. “I...I think he might’ve been a spy for the Earl.” She muttered in response, her eyes downcast in sadness. Lavi frowned as well, sighing.

“I wish it wasn’t a possibility, but it is. What information on the Black Order would the Earl need that he sent in a Noah to find out?” He inquired, staring out the window, his emerald eye looking clouded.

“He needed to know how the Order worked. That’s why he had to send in a Noah.” Both Lenalee and Lavi looked over at Allen, surprised. They thought the girl had been asleep still. Allen met their stares, a small frown on her face. “He needed to know how our sources of information worked, how we did our missions. And we gave all of that information right to him.” Allen finished, an angered look on her face. “That bastard played us like instruments and threw us away when he was satisfied.”

Lenalee and Lavi both looked at her sadly, frowning. “Allen...he had us all fooled...” She tried, slowly reaching out to grab her hand. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Lenalee said softly, looking at her with a gentle and caring gaze. Allen looked at the girl, her mask falling into place as she smiled.

“Don’t worry Lena. I’m okay.” She replied. Lavi looked at the younger exorcist, easily seeing through the girl’s mask. Lenalee sat back in her seat, and Allen moved to look out the window. The rest of the train ride was in silence, as they began to think about their mission.

* * *

“Man! There’s nothing like having an extermination mission to relieve stress!” Lavi exclaimed, as the three of them walked along a forest path. The male then sighed. “The worst thing about these types of missions though is having to wait for the akuma to find you...” He then muttered dejectedly. Lenalee giggled a bit, smiling slightly.

“We’ll find them soon, Lavi.” She said, hoping to give the male some hope.

“Besides, we won’t have to wait if my eye can detect akuma.” Allen chimed in, giving a tiny smile. Lavi frowned.

“I hope we find them soon....” Komui had sent them on a mission up north, to a town where a lot of akuma had been appearing lately. The reason was unknown, since there wasn’t any signs of innocence around. So, until proven otherwise, the mission was simply to go to the town, exterminate the akuma, and head back. Allen found herself staring at the scenery as they walked. By the time they arrived in the town, it was dusk, and Allen had been entranced by the sunset. She began to become lost in her thoughts.

_“Che, it’s cold out Moyashi. Go inside already.” Kanda grumbled, coming up from behind Allen. The girl who had been previously leaning on the railing of the porch turned to glance at her mission partner._

_“It’s Allen. And I’m watching the sunset, Bakanda. I’ll go inside in a few minutes.” She replied softly, before looking back to stare at the slowly setting sun. Kanda scoffed, moving to stand beside her instead._

_“What’s so interesting about watching a damn sunset anyway?” He questioned, staring at the sun as well. Allen’s face lit up with a small, yet brightly joyful smile._

_“It reminds me of my time with Mana. We used to watch the sunset together sometimes, when we weren’t on the road traveling. It’s peaceful.” She explained, her eyes soft as her smile was breathtakingly beautiful. Kanda felt his cheeks heat up at the thought of the girl’s smile. He moved to cover his cheeks, looking away._

_“Che, how annoying.” He mumbled in response. Allen lightly giggled. She then moved her head to lean against Kanda’s side, closing her eyes as she continued to smile. “Oi!” Kanda snapped, looking down at her._

_“Stay still Bakanda.” She giggled a bit. Kanda grumbled, looking away from her again. “You know...I get this feeling from you that you only pretend to be this tough guy who doesn’t need anyone, because you’re afraid of being hurt...you build up these walls around your heart, not wanting to let anyone in...it’s...sad...” Allen murmured. Kanda’s eyes widened as she spoke. He made sure to keep his composure however._

_“Why does it matter to you, Baka Moyashi?” He chose to mumble, instead of voicing his inner thoughts. Allen stopped leaning on him, instead looking up at him with a small, sweet smile._

_“Call me crazy but...I want to be let in...get past those walls...and see the real Kanda...” Kanda wasn’t sure what drove him to do it, but he found himself suddenly kissing her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and pulling her close._

“Moyashi-chan!” Lavi exclaimed, shocking her out of her stupor. Allen’s eyes widened just as she saw the claw of an akuma about to hit her. She quickly activated Crown Clown, blocking the attack and safely jumping out of the way. Lenalee jumped into action, activating her boots and kicking at akuma. Lavi used his hammer to fend off attacks, using his fire stamp to kill some of them. It seemed that while Allen was distracted by her thoughts, a swarm of akuma had attacked them.

The three fought, none of them getting any major injuries. Sure, they had a few bruises and scratches here and there, but nothing serious. As they were fighting, Allen’s eye activated, and she looked around for the akuma. “Guys, be careful! There’s a level thr-!” She was cut off by a searing pain in her shoulder. Allen’s eyes widened as she looked over at the source, and saw a light and dark purple candle. Knowing who it belonged to, she looked around, before seeing Road floating on an umbrella. The Noah giggled with a smile.

“Hi Allen-chan!~” She sang. Lenalee and Lavi were occupied by the level three that attacked, and Allen had no choice. She had to stand her ground. She pulled the candle out of her shoulder, biting back her cries of pain. Road watched, amused. “Careful~. I don’t want you to bleed _too_ much~.” She taunted. Allen ignored her, her left arm turning into her sword as she ran towards Road. The girl shook her head, a malicious smile on her face. “That won’t work.” She said. Allen gasped as she was trapped in a cube.

“Let me out!” She exclaimed, banging on the container.

“Allen!” Lenalee shouted, moving to run to her, but her path was blocked by the akuma. Road looked over at the other girl.

“Sorry Lenalee-chan! Maybe we can play some other time!~” Road said, opening an ark door. Lavi grit his teeth, running towards them before it was too late.

“Oh no you don’t!” He exclaimed. “Fire stamp!” He shouted, slamming his hammer down. Allen continued to slam on the box, trying to use edge end, but not even that worked.

“Allen!” Lenalee and Lavi shouted, as the girl was brought through the door.

“Guys!” She screamed, with that, she was taken by her friends, and was left to hear Road’s giggles.

“I’ll make sure you won’t have any reason to love Wrathra _anymore_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I’m back with chapter 3! So, if anyone is curious about the timeline, let’s just say that it’s after the destruction of the first Order HQ, and before the Alma Karma arc? Yeah...I’m gonna go with that lol. Anyways, let me know what you guys think of Allen’s character so far...I really want to know if I’m making her seem too weak or OOC. And please, let me know what you thought of the chapter overall! I hope you all enjoyed and I’ll see you guys in chapter 4! Bai!


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if Road does something to her? What if something happens and Allen can’t go back to being herself anymore..?”
> 
> “Do your worst.”
> 
> “Ne, Allen-chan...do you know how powerful the feeling of fear can be?”
> 
> “Oi. Didn’t I say not to touch her?”

“Dammit! We should’ve gotten to her!” Lavi exclaimed, slamming his fist down on the table. After they had finished fighting the akuma, they went back to the hotel. Lenalee made a report to Komui about what happened, and she told him they wouldn’t be coming back until either Allen was rescued, or they needed help. Lenalee, who was sitting next to him frowned, looking at the male.

“Lavi...it’s alright. We can save her.” She said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. Lavi sighed, clenching his fists.

“We don’t know where Road even took her. What if she took her back to the Earl’s ark? There’s other Noah there, and as much as I hate to say it, we can’t take all of those Noah on.” He said, as Lenalee took her hand off of his shoulder and placed them in her lap. She didn’t reply. Lavi frowned as he stood up and paced around. He was a Bookman, he shouldn’t be reacting like this. This was just more history to record. But it wasn’t just history to him. Allen was like a little sister to him, and he failed to protect her. _‘Yuu-chan would’ve been seriously angry if he was still with us...I wonder if he’d take on a bunch of Noah to save her...’_

“I’m worried...Lavi...” Lenalee murmured, making him turn around to look at her. “What if Road does something to her? What if something happens and Allen can’t go back to being herself anymore..?” She questioned, tears gathering in her eyes. Lavi frowned, going over to the girl and pulling her into his chest. He found himself softly stroking the girl’s hair as she began to break down with worry.

 _‘Allen...I promise we’ll find you. If not for my sake...then for her’s....’_ His gaze landed on Lenalee.

* * *

When Allen awoke next, she found herself locked in a cell, her left arm pinned to wall like it had been during her first encounter with Road. The girl sighed, doing her best to ignore the throbbing pain in her arm. She tried looking around the cell, but it was too dark for her to really see anything clearly. “Where am I?” She mumbled, still trying to look around. She tensed as she heard footsteps, and she watched as the door to her cell opened. Road walked in, crouching down to Allen’s level.

“Hi Allen-chan!” She greeted, giving an innocent smile. Allen’s eyes narrowed.

“Road...what do you want? Why did you take me here?” She questioned. Road looked at her, curiously.

“You haven’t figured it out yet? Well, that’s okay. You see, my family is very important to me. If one of them were to get hurt...you and I both know where that leads.” She began. “Ever since Wrathra came back from his mission, he’s seemed distracted. By thoughts of you.” Allen’s eyes widened as she refused to make eye contact with Road. Even though the name the Noah used was unfamiliar to her, she just knew who the girl was speaking of. “I want to help him forget about you. So I’m going to do everything in my power to make you  _loathe him_. That way, he’ll know he no longer has a chance with you, and he’ll move on!” Road explained.

 _‘Kanda...thinks about me...?’_ Allen thought, surprised by her words. She then frowned, deciding it wasn’t worth dwelling on. Road watched her, golden eyes gleaming.

“I guess you’re wondering how I’d be able to do something like that, huh?” She questioned, making Allen look back at her. Silver eyes were full of courage, as she sat, unmoving. Road was slightly surprised.

“Do your worst.” Allen muttered defiantly, her eyes narrowing a bit. She didn’t understand why the Noah was going to such extreme lengths to make her hate Kanda. She already did. Wasn’t that enough? Road let out a quiet giggle, an amused smile on her face. Her skin darkened as her eyes turned golden. Allen stared, still somewhat confused.

“Ne, Allen-chan...do you know how powerful the feeling of fear can be?” Road questioned, leaning close to her. She made a candle appear in her hand. Everything in Allen’s body was telling her to escape. To run. “To feel as if something is gripping at your lungs...chills running up your spine. Your breathing becomes erratic, and you can’t seem to control how much you shake...do you know how influential fear can truly be on your mind?~” She continued, a cruel, twisted grin appearing on her face. Allen’s eyes widened as she moved the candle across her cheek, making a small cut.

Allen stayed quiet, eyes following Road’s every movement. The Noah looked at her, grinning as she saw Allen’s eyes following her. She leaned by her ear, smirking. “Well it’s okay if you don’t. I’m going to show you.” The area around Allen began to change and darken. She was no longer in the cell she was locked in. Instead, the girl was in what seemed like a never ending pit of darkness. Road was nowhere to be seen either.

“H-Hello...?” She tentatively called out, only for her words to be echoed back to her. Allen looked around, seeing that her arm was free. Raising an eyebrow, she glanced around once more, making sure she was safe. She slowly stood, beginning to walk around. Allen wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but she wasn’t expecting her friends to be standing there. “Lenalee! Lavi!” She exclaimed, running towards them.

“I....hate....her......so weak....” Lenalee muttered, looking over at Lavi. Allen stopped running, looking at them in confusion.

“Who...are you talking about?” She asked them, walking up to them.

“They can’t hear you.” Road stated, appearing at her side. Allen looked over at her, confused still. Just what was going on?

“She fell in love with....our enemy...it’s so stupid.” Lavi replied, crossing his arms with a frown on his face. Allen froze, her eyes widening.

“How...did they find out...?” She asked, taking a step back. “There can’t be anyway they found out! Even when Kanda was still at the Order we hid it so that no one could find out...w-what is this...?” Road looked at her, feigning a sad frown.

“This is their true feelings. This is what your friends have been hiding from you.” She explained, making Allen quickly shake her head in denial.

“No. This isn’t them. They wouldn’t say things like this!” She shouted in denial. Road sighed, looking at her.

“But isn’t it their voices speaking you hear? Give it a good listen...” The Noah stated. Multiple voices sounded from the darkness, Lenalee and Lavi disappearing. Allen found herself reaching out for them. The voices were loud and intimidating as she covered her ears.

“Hate...her....hate....her....hate...her....”

“No! This isn’t them...! This isn’t my family!” She shouted, dropping to her knees as she tried to block out the noise. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. Road kneeled down in front of her, her chin resting on the palm of her hands.

“Can’t you see Allen? You’ve always been alone, surrounded by people who just lie and hurt you.” She said softly. Allen shook her head.

“No, I’m not alone. There’s Mana...he’ll always be there...” The girl muttered, trying her best to ignore Road’s words. It was all lies; the words spilling from her lips. They were lies. She just had to keep reminding herself of that.

“But Mana’s dead. You killed him with your arm, right? Doesn’t he hate you for turning you into an akuma?” Allen’s eyes widened, and she just shook her head, denying it all. Road sighed, standing up. She opened a door, and walked out of the room, trapping Allen in her own personal hell. “She’ll crack eventually. Even Allen-chan has some sort of limit to how much she can handle.” She muttered, walking.

 “Oi. Didn’t I say not to touch her?” A voice asked as Road walked past him. She turned around, looking at Kanda with a sly smile.

“But I haven’t laid a finger on her! Besides a small little cut on her cheek, but she isn’t injured!~” _‘Yet.’_ Road exclaimed innocently. Kanda looked at her with a glare.

“Let her go.” He demanded.

“Sorry Wrathra, I can’t do that. Not until the cause of your distraction is gone.” She didn’t stay to hear the rest of what Kanda had to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’ll make this note short this time lol. I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far, and I promise everything will start to make sense in the next chapter! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I’ll see you all in chapter 5! Bai!


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Damn Moyashi...this is her fault...”
> 
> “Do you not want to believe me? Maybe giving you two some time alone might help it sink in...”
> 
> “No...you don’t have the right...to order me around.”
> 
> “Doesn’t mean I can’t try...baka Moyashi...”

Kanda wasn’t sure how to feel. Half of him felt relaxed knowing that Allen was closer to him, but the other half of him was pissed to know Road brought her there, and was doing who knows what to her. He knew she was his enemy, but he was still in love with her. One day either one or both of them would die to the other. There was no denying it. He never wanted to see her die, nor be the one to end her. He could never bring himself to hurt her. That damn Moyashi meant too much to him. She wormed her way into his heart, and stole the key. He hated it, because it was her fault that he couldn’t focus. Couldn’t whole heartedly follow the Earl and eradicate the Order.

But maybe that was his fault too. He made sure to be as cold as possible, but everyone still sat and talked with him. But experiencing the war from the enemy’s point of view made him see things from a different view. He was there when they were at their lowest, their highest. He was there when they cried together, laughed together, _fought together_. He was apart of it all. They had truly accepted him. And he betrayed that acceptance. He handed them to the Earl on a silver plater, and told him everything without hesitation. Why did he do that? More importantly, why did he feel so bad about it?

Was the Order that meaningful to him? If so why? Was it because of how they treated him like family? Treated him like an equal? Why did his chest always feel so warm, especially around the Moyashi, Usagi and Lenalee? Did he really view them as friends, or was that just apart of his act? His mind was an absolute mess. He was conflicted, and trying to figure out his feelings. He kept comparing the Black Order to the Noah Clan. There were so many differences between the two. He found himself preferring the Order, and all of the crazy morons that come with it.

“Che, must’ve spent too much time there. Almost as if I’m really becoming human...”

Maybe he was. Maybe he was finally beginning to learn what humanity was, and that being human was okay. The smallest hint of a smile appeared on his face. “Damn Moyashi...this is her fault...”

* * *

So far, Road had been playing with Allen for almost two weeks. The old Noah was quite happy with herself. Her plan was working. The female exorcist was slowly but surely becoming more fearful of the Noah. Road could bring in Kanda and show him how much he was hated by the girl, and that he should forget his feelings for her. Road skipped to Allen’s cell, before going inside. In the room sat Allen, her arm pinned to the wall still. Some of her hair covered the left side of her face, making Road smirk.

The girl had finally cracked a few days ago, and had become quite accustomed to the feeling of fear. She had believed that the dreams Road showed her were truly what her friends thought of her. Little did she know that they were all lies Road fabricated in order to break the girl. “Allen-chan!~” She exclaimed. Allen lifted her head up, giving Road a view of her right eye, which was glassy and blank. “As much as I’ve had a lot of fun playing with you, it’s time that you serve your second purpose, and help me convince Wrathra that you hate him!~” She released the girl’s arm from her restraints, making Allen cry out in pain.

With that, she left and skipped to find Kanda. On her way, she bumped into Tyki. The taller Noah looked down at the girl, raising an eyebrow. “Road? What are you doing?” He questioned. The girl gave him an innocent smile.

“Trying to find Kanda! Do you know where he is, Tyki?” She asked. The male put a hand on his chin as he thought.

“I think he’s in his room.” He replied. “But why are you looking for him?” He questioned. Road giggled, skipping away.

“There’s something I need to show him!” Tyki watched her skip away, sighing. Road went to Kanda’s room, and knocked on his door. “Wrathra!~” She exclaimed. The door opened and out came Kanda, glaring at her.

“ _What_?” He growled. Road looked at him, grabbing his hand and pulling him along.

“Quickly! I need to show you something!” With that she dragged him towards Allen’s cell. Kanda let the girl drag him, knowing she’d be annoying and whine if he disagreed. He didn’t feel like dealing with her whining, and later on Sheril’s whining. “Close your eyes!” She demanded once they got closer to Allen’s cell. Kanda grumbled but complied with the girl’s demand. He shut his eyes, allowing her to lead him. Road opened the door and closed it behind them when they were inside. Allen didn’t look up at the sound. “Open!~” She sang.

Kanda sighed, opening his eyes. His eyes immediately widened when he saw the cause of his recent thoughts in front of him, battered and bruised. “Oi...what the hell is this?! Why is she like that?!” He growled, fists clenching and shaking with fury. Road looked at him.

“This is to prove to you that Allen-chan doesn’t love you. She hates you Wrathra. She’s _afraid_ of you. Why continue to love her if she’ll never return those feelings?” The Noah explained. Kanda turned to her, a fierce glare on his face. Road looked at him curiously. “Do you not want to believe me? Maybe giving you two some time alone might help it sink in...” She murmured, walking out of the room. She stood by the door outside. Kanda ignored her, instead kneeling down to Allen’s level.

“Moyashi...” He said softly, frowning. The girl looked at him, trying to glare at him. Kanda didn’t know why, but he felt his heart break at the sight. He raised his hand and noticed the way Allen flinched. Feeling his heart break more, he gently brushed her left bangs out of her face. His breath was a quiet and quick intake of air as his eyes widened. Instead of seeing a second mercury eye he could lost in, all he saw was dried blood. “Don’t tell me she...” He growled. Kanda looked at her, taking in all of her injuries. How could Road hurt her? How could he let this happen? This was all his fault. He couldn’t resist softly pulling her to his chest, resting his head on the crown of her hair. “I’m sorry...Allen...”

He felt the girl weakly push against him. “N-No...l-let go...” Allen said, still trying to glare at him. “I-I still h-hate you...” She growled. Kanda looked at her, before sighing. His gentleness was replaced by coldness and his eyes drifted over to the door Road was standing outside of.

“Che, fine.” He grumbled, releasing her and moving away. He stood up, looking down at her. “Stand up.” He demanded coldly. Allen looked up at him, frowning.

“No...you don’t have the right...to order me around.” She replied defiantly. In truth, the girl was terrified of the male in front of her. But he didn’t need to know that. Kanda scoffed, crossing his arms.

“You’re just saying that. You’re scared, aren’t you? Scared because I’m one of _them_. Hmp. What a coward.” He grumbled, walking over to her. “Stand up. Or are your injuries too severe?” He questioned, crossing his arms. Allen frowned, forcing herself to stand.

“I-I can stand j-just fine!” She snapped as her legs shook. She went to take a seat forward, and went falling forward. Kanda sighed, catching the girl.

“Moron. Stop acting like you’re invincible.” He demanded, holding her. Allen hit her fists against his chest.

“Put me down! L-Let go!” She exclaimed. Kanda ignored her, even though he wanted to soothe her pain. Couldn’t she see how much it hurt him to see her like that? Maybe not, since she was blinded by her rage towards him. Did he really blame her though? He knew he fucked up. He hurt her, and destroyed her trust. He’d most likely never get that back. He continued to hold her and ignore her protests as he walked, completely ignoring Road’s shocked expression. He simply turned to glare at her.

“Oi, if you ever touch her again, it won’t be the Order you have to fear.” He threatened, continuing to walk. Allen eventually gave up protesting against him, and allowed herself to revel in the feeling of having Kanda’s arms wrapped around her once more. She rested her head against his shoulder, and dove into her thoughts. Why was Kanda saving her? Why was he hugging her and apologizing one minute, but cold and cruel the next? She just didn’t get it. She felt the fatigue and the effect her injuries were having on her. Her eye kept drifting closed and she opened it quickly.

Kanda noticed this and sighed. “Rest, Moyashi. Nothing will hurt you. Not while I’m here.” He said, holding her protectively. Allen looked up at him, nodding her head. She wasn’t sure why she was trusting him again, but she didn’t mind.

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to accomplish here Kanda...but if you’re trying to redeem yourself...for betraying me-I...I mean us...then it’s not going to work....” She murmured, falling asleep. She’d blame her slip up on her drowsiness. Kanda looked down at her sleeping, and sighed.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t try...baka Moyashi...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here’s the new chapter!~ I don’t have much to really talk about in this chapter, but I want to know what you guys think! I hope you all enjoyed and I’ll see you all in chapter 6! Bai!~


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Che, finally woke up.”
> 
> “Oi! Snap out of it!”
> 
> “Why are you helping me?”
> 
> “You haven’t changed at all, Bakanda...”

Kanda brought Allen to a safe house for the time being. There was an abandoned house he found that thankfully, none of the other Noah knew about. It was also close to a town as well, so he could easily get more supplies if he needed to. He placed the girl on one of the beds, looking over her injuries. He frowned when he noticed just how much she had been hurt. All because he had feelings for her. It was his fault. Now he had to take responsibility. He wasn’t going to fail Allen a third time. He hurt her enough. Kanda frowned as he looked at her. He decided he’d protect her, no matter what.

Kanda left Allen’s side for a bit, looking around for bandages. He needed to find them fast. Who knows how long her eye had been bleeding for, and those wounds needed to be cleaned before they could get infected. When he found what he was looking for, Kanda went back to Allen, being as gentle as he could when cleaning her injuries. Thankfully, the girl remained asleep during the process, making Kanda’s job easier. Once he was done, he found himself sitting down at the edge of the bed, staring at her. He noticed that Allen’s hair had gotten a bit longer.

It reached a bit past her shoulders now. It was a bit more wavy too. He also took notice of the bags under her right eye. How much sleep had she gotten in the amount of time Road had her? How much had she eaten? Kanda frowned, suddenly thinking about how much Road hurt her. Did she do anything permanent? Could he help heal her wounds, physical or not? He hoped he could. He brushed a hand through Allen’s soft white locks, before he stood and kissed her forehead. He lingered there for a few minutes, before leaving the room.

His heart felt heavy, and all he could do was shoulder the blame all on his own.

* * *

When Allen awoke, she sat up quickly. The shooting pain in her arms and torso told her that wasn’t a good idea. She ignored it however, and looked around. Where was she? She looked down at herself and saw she was in bed, and her injuries were bandaged. Allen looked around the room again, not being able to see much because it was too dark. She bit her lip. Was this just another one of Road’s games? It wouldn’t be the first time she did it. She liked making Allen think she was free, and then crushing that hope.

“Che, finally woke up.” Allen looked over at the doorway and glared at the male standing there. Kanda sighed, crossing his arms. “Oi, cut it out, Moyashi. If you try to glare any harder you might hurt yourself.” He grumbled, sounding annoyed. Allen ignored him, continuing to glare. He sighed, uncrossing his arms and entering the room. The girl watched as he walked to a dresser, and grabbed the clothes resting on top. He threw them at her, making Allen flinch in surprise. Afterwards, she took the clothes and looked at them in confusion. Sensing her confusion, he glanced at her before turning towards the door. “You smell like shit, Moyashi.” And with that, he left.

Allen blinked, staring at the doorway. She then slowly understood what he was implying. “Could have said it a nicer way, jerk!” She grumbled, grabbing the clothes and standing up. Allen left the room, limping slightly. She had a bit of a hard time walking, but it was fine. She could deal with the pain. One problem down, another to go. Where was the bathroom?! Allen sighed, anger written all over her face. She searched all over the house for the bathroom, and why was Kanda conveniently nowhere to be found?! She thankfully, found the bathroom after searching for it for at least ten minutes. Allen faintly smiled at her discovery and stepped inside. She placed the clothes on the counter, and she looked at the shower head, and tub. The girl decided it’d be easier on her body to take a bath, rather than a shower. So, that’s what she did.

After she was done, she dried off and began to get dressed in the clothes Kanda gave her. However, she paused in what she was doing, and stared at the mirror. She saw the injuries left by Road. Her left eye. Her cheek. Her arms. Her stomach. Covered in either bruises or cuts. She lifted her shirt up slightly, exposing her stomach, which had a giant bruise on it, still black and blue. She bit her lip, dropping the hem of her shirt, and moving some of her hair away to look at her left eye. Her breathing hitched as she stared at the injury. It looked almost exactly like it did the first time Road had stabbed her.

It began to throb. Allen’s uninjured eye widened as she felt pain in her left eye. It kept throbbing painfully. The pain was intense. It felt like she was being stabbed repeatedly, over and over and over. She wanted it to stop! Stop, stop, stop! Why wouldn’t the pain go away?! She put a hand to her eye, hoping it’d ease the pain. But it didn’t. It made it worse. _‘It hurts, it hurt, it hurts!’_ Her hand felt wet suddenly, and she pulled it away to look at it. On her hand was blood. Allen looked up at the mirror and saw blood pouring out of her eye. She tried to keep silent as best she could, but when her vision began to blur, and the pain intensified once more, she failed. The girl let out an ear piercing cry, her legs giving out on her as she dropped to the ground.

Kanda had been in the kitchen when he heard Allen’s cry. He dropped the spoon he had been holding and quickly made his way to the bathroom. He went to open the door, but the knob was locked. He gritted his teeth in frustration, before just kicking the door open. When it finally opened he found Allen on the ground, shaking. She kept staring at her hand. “Oi! Moyashi!” Kanda called, kneeling on the ground. She didn’t hear him. Kanda growled, grabbing the girl’s shoulders and shook her. “Oi! Snap out of it!” He exclaimed. It took her a few minutes, but eventually Allen seemed to calm down, and she stared at Kanda.

“Kanda...?” She questioned. The Noah sighed, feigning annoyance when he was actually relieved she was okay, and looked at her. When Allen realized the state she was in, her face flamed up. “G-GET OUT!” She shouted, shoving him out. Kanda rolled his eyes.

“Che, there was nothing to look at anyways, Moyashi.” He grumbled in response.

“THE NAME IS ALLEN YOU PERV!” Kanda couldn’t help cracking a small smirk as he made his way back to the kitchen. He’d ask her about what happened when she was finished. Allen leaned against the door, a hand on her chest as she willed her heart to calm down. Thankfully the shirt she had been wearing went to her knees so Kanda couldn’t see anything. Allen looked down at her hand, blinking. There was no blood. She looked in the mirror, and saw no blood coming out of her eye either. She quickly put on the pair of shorts she was given and left the bathroom, running her hand through her hair. Allen made her way back to the room she woke up in, and placed the clothes she had been previously wearing on the bed.

After that, she smelled something being cooked, and heard her stomach grumble. Allen followed the smell and ended up finding the kitchen. Kanda had been cooking something it seemed. She tried not to make a sound as she approached him. Her attempt was in vain though as she stepped on a part of the floor that creaked. Kanda turned around at the sound, looking at her. “Che, finally done.” He muttered. Allen frowned, glaring at him. He put down the spoon he was holding once more, and went to grab a roll of bandages. He motioned the girl over to the couch. Allen looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “Do you want your injuries wrapped or not, Moyashi?” He questioned.

“It’s Allen.” She grumbled, walking over to the couch sitting down. Kanda rolled his eyes and began to bandage her wounds. “Kanda, can I ask you something?” Allen mumbled. He didn’t reply, so she took it as a sign to continue. “Why are you helping me?” She asked.

“Che, what was the scene in the bathroom about?” He asked instead. Allen pouted.

“You have to answer my question!” She snapped. Kanda sighed, annoyed.

“You’re annoying.” He grumbled. “You’re pitiful Moyashi, that’s why.” He easily lied, wrapping bandages around her arm. He couldn’t tell her the real reason. It’d destroy every ounce of self control he had. Allen tensed, looking away from him. She knew she was pitiful, but how could he have to say it so easily?

“I thought my eye was bleeding.” She murmured. Kanda looked down at her. “It suddenly began throbbing and all I could feel pain. I’m not sure why it started...but after you snapped me out of it...there wasn’t any blood. I...think it might’ve been all in my head...” She explained, her voice soft and quiet. Kanda gently grabbed her chin and made her look at him. He studied her left eye, before beginning to wrap it with bandages. Allen stared in surprise as the man was as gentle as possible. Kanda met her stare, glaring at her. Allen couldn’t help her tiny smile. “You haven’t changed at all, Bakanda...” She murmured.

“Che, shut it Moyashi. Just remember, no matter what, we’re still enemies. Don’t think I’m going to go easy on you on the battlefield. This is war.” Kanda mumbled, standing up once he was done wrapping her wounds. _‘We’re enemies....’_ Allen frowned, looking away.

“I know that...I still hate you, that hasn’t changed. But I can at least thank you for what you’re doing....” She murmured. _‘Even though I don’t want to hate you...’_ Kanda rolled his eyes. Allen’s stomach grumbled, making her cheeks flush pink in embarrassment. Kanda smirked.

“Seems like you haven’t changed either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I’m sorry this chapter took so long to post! I’ve been dealing with some personal things lately and I haven’t had much motivation for anything really. But the chapter is finally up! Lemme know what you think, comments are good for motivation XD. I hope you all enjoyed, I’ll see you all in the next chapter! Bai!


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Che, as if. I can read you like an open book Moyashi. Hurry up and spill before my patience wears thin.”
> 
> “Just give it a rest, would you?!”
> 
> “But then you showed up to the Order one day...and changed my mind.”
> 
> “Damn love struck fool...”

Allen found had never found eating with other people awkward. She enjoyed the company as she either listened to Lenalee and Lavi converse, sometimes joining the conversation or just being content with listening. Back at the Order, Kanda was no different. She had never felt awkward around him. Usually when Lavi was able to bring the temperamental male over to the table, she either ignored him and did what she usually did, or taunted him. Though, when she thought about it, when she realized her feelings for him, her taunting turned to teasing.

However, currently, as she sat across fromthe Noah, the air was filled with nothing but awkwardness. It seemed it was only Allen who realized though. Kanda was silent as he ate, his eyes directed at a spot on the table, and glaring at it. It was almost as if he was trying to avoid looking at her. She had no clue what to say to him. What could she say? What would be appropriate to say in this situation? Countless conversation starters popped into her head. Most of them involving Kanda, him being a Noah, and his betrayal. Which as curious and angry as she was, Allen didn’t feel like discussing any of those topics over a meal.

“Oi, how are your wounds?” Kanda suddenly asked, catching Allen completelyoff guard. The girl spluttered in response for a good minute or two before she really replied.

“I...they’re fine...” She murmured, frowning a bit. She didn’t want to get into the topic of her injuries either. They were a reminder of how weak she had been, and she wanted to forget that. She was Allen Walker for crying out loud! She was the ‘Destroyer of Time’, she couldn’t afford to be weak. The whole Order practically depended on her because of the prophecy Hevlaska gave. Although, she sometimes wished she didn’t have to carry such responsibilities. Allen bit her lip and frowned a bit more. Kanda noticed this and he raised an eyebrow.

“Something wrong Beansprout?” He questioned. Allen looked up at him, glaring.

 “It’s Allen, stupid Kanda!” She grumbled in response. “And...there’s nothing wrong...so don’t worry about it..” Allen murmured. Kanda frowned, not buying it.

“Che, as if. I can read you like an open book Moyashi. Hurry up and spill before my patience wears thin.” He replied. Allen blinked, surprised by his response. The girl sighed, looking away.

 “It’s...really nothing. Don’t worry about it Kanda.” She insisted. Kanda scoffed.  

“Doesn’t seem like nothing to me.” He argued. Allen looked at him, beginning to grow annoyed by his constant pestering.

“Just give it a rest, would you?!” She snapped, this time surprising Kanda. “My problems don’t concern a traitor like you! Stop pretending like you care! If you really cared you wouldn’t have left!” Allen exclaimed, glaring at him. Kanda stared at her, before looking away and dryly chuckling.  

“You are such an idiot, Moyashi.” He mumbled. Allen’s uninjured eye widened as she looked at the Noah, before she bit her lip and stood up from the table. Leaving her plate, she made her way outside to cool off. Nature was such a beautiful way to relax and calm her nerves. As she left the small house, she sat on a bench outside, staring at the trees and sky. It was then that she realized she had been shaking. With this observation, Allen realized she was _scared_. Scared of Kanda’s reaction to her words.

She was scared that the Noah would hurt her in return for yelling at him. Allen quickly shook her head, knowing Kanda wasn’t like that. But how could she be sure? How could she be sure that anything she knew about Kanda before was even true? He could’ve been lying the whole time and she wouldn’t have had a clue. Allen frowned a bit. She liked to think that she had gotten to see the true Kanda when it was just the two of them, and no one else. And she did, constantly.

_It was after one of her more dangerous missions. Komui had sent her on a solo mission, both the chief and Allen herself thinking the girl could handle it alone. Their thinking proved to be correct until too many akuma showed up and ambushed the girl. She had a finder with her and made sure to protect him from any attacks. Once she defeated all of the akuma, Allen passed him the innocence and they were about to head safely back when she felt an intense pain in her side._

_It appeared that not all of the akuma were killed, and a level three had escaped her sight. She sent the finder running while she took care of the akuma. Allen wasn’t sure how she made it through the battle, but all she really remembered was falling into someone’s embrace and a soft whisper; “You’ve done a good job, get some rest Short-stack...”_

_When Allen awoke next, she was in what looked like a hospital room. She looked around in confusion, until her eyes landed on a certain sleeping exorcist. Allen smiled a bit as she saw Kanda fast asleep in a chair. His arms were crossed, Mugen leaning on his shoulder. She giggled a bit, her smile brightening. A few moments later, Kanda slowly came to, and he looked at the girl. “Moyashi...” He murmured._

_“Hi Yuu. I wasn’t expecting to find you here.” She said with a grin. Kanda rolled his eyes, getting up from the chair and going over to her._

_“What the hell were you thinking, taking on so many akuma at once! If they were level ones it’d be a different story, but there were level twos and even a level three showed up!” Kanda began, surprising Allen. “Stop being so goddamn reckless idiot! One day it will lead to your death on the battlefield!” He scolded. Allen couldn’t help it, she started to laugh. Kanda gave her a look. “Oi! This isn’t a laughing matter dumbass! You could’ve died if I didn’t show up!”_

_“I-I’m sorry Yuu...but you have a very funny way of showing your concern...!” She laughed, smiling. Kanda glared at her, unhappy with how she was handling the situation._

_“Che, baka.” He grumbled, leaning down to gently pull her into a hug. Allen blushed furiously in response, but smiled happily, closing her eyes as she hugged him back._

_“Thank you, for saving me.”_

Allen was surprised to suddenly feel a blanket placed on her shoulders. “You’ll catch a cold in such thin clothing baka.” Kanda grumbled. Allen looked up at him, surprised still. Kanda looked down at her in response, his lips settled in a firm line. He sat next to her, neither saying anything. Allen gently bit her lip, before frowning. “Che, I left to protect you and the others.” He mumbled, after a few minutes of silence. Allen looked over at him. “At first...I had no doubts about which side I was on. I had no regrets selling out information about the enemy to the Earl.”

“But then you showed up to the Order one day...and changed my mind.” He mumbled, shocking Allen. Her cheeks turned a bit red, and she looked away from him. “After that...I found it hard to complete my mission. I didn’t want to ruin what you had come to love. I’d never forgive myself...but it happened anyway. I betrayed you, and everyone else. And I’m left wondering why I did it. What did I gain from it?” He mumbled once more, making Allen frown a bit.  

“Kanda...was it...was it all a lie..?” She asked quietly. Kanda turned to look at her, shaking his head.

 “No.” He answered quickly. The two shared eye contact for a few more minutes, before Allen broke it, gently leaning her head against his shoulder, staring off into the distance. Kanda said no more after that, and neither did Allen. She somehow felt more at peace, knowing the reason why Kanda left. She felt a warm feeling in her chest.

 “About what I said...hating you and all...I take it back. Because it seems that no matter what, I can’t find it within myself to be able to stop loving you...” Allen quietly admitted. Kanda looked down at her in surprise. He didn’t know what to say. Allen met his gaze shyly, her cheeks slightly red. He sighed, pulling her into a gentle hug, the type he knew she loved most.  

“Damn love struck fool...but I guess that makes two of us...” He mumbled. Allen looked up at him once more, and Kanda looked down at her. Neither noticed until their eyes were closed and their lips had connected in a gentle kiss. The two knew it was wrong. They were enemies, destined to be apart of the losing or wining side. They’d probably have to fight each other one day, maybe even be the death of one another. But just for this one night, they weren’t enemies. They were companions, seeking comfort in one another. They threw all caution to the wind and ignored what they were supposed to be feeling because screw it.

They were just Allen and Kanda. Who happened to be in love. What more reason did they need?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo this chapter went in a completely different direction than I originally planned and it might’ve messed up the other chapters but it okay?? I’m sorry it took so long to update! I’ve been...busy? I guess? Anyways, let me know what you all thought of this chapter, and I hope you all enjoyed! I’ll see you guys next chapter, bai!


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oi! Moya...shi...”
> 
> “I can’t be resting..not at a time like this.”
> 
> “You fucking idiot.
> 
> “Who said brother had to know?”

It felt weird. Being kissed by Kanda again. But in no way did she hate it. Allen realized she _missed_  it. Kanda chuckled a bit when he heard her content sigh. His arms were wrapped around her waist, as Allen leaned against him a bit. After a few minutes, they pulled apart and just sat in silence. Allen rested her head on his shoulder as Kanda’s hand ran through her hair, being mindful of the bandages wrapped her head. He knew after their confessions, and the kiss, they needed to talk. But right now? Right now, all Kanda wanted to do was hold Allen close and protect her from everything.

“Kanda...we should get inside. It’s late and chilly outside.” Allen’s voice was gentle and quiet. Kanda looked down at her, nodding. He stood up, as did Allen. He grabbed her hand, making her jump slightly. She hadn’t been expecting it, but she calmed down and smiled slightly. Allen had no reason to fear Kanda. She knew he’d never hurt her, no matter what. She faintly remembered what Road had told her in the dream world and shook her head. Kanda might’ve been a Noah, but he was different from the others.

The two headed inside, and despite wanting to be near her, Kanda didn’t stop Allen as she headed to the guest room. He knew she was still recovering from her injuries, physically and mentally. Her reaction from earlier proved that. He knew that she hadn’t wanted to talk about what she was feeling with him. But she hadn’t wanted to because he was traitor in her eyes. He wondered if after that conversation outside had changed her views of him.

Allen walked to the guest room, thankfully not getting lost. She closed the door behind her once she was inside the room. The girl let herself fall onto the bed as she buried her face in a pillow and just _thought_. Why did Kanda kiss her? He still felt something for her, right? Well, obviously he did. He kissed her and implied he was a “love struck fool” like she was. But perhaps being a love struck fool wasn’t bad. She pulled the pillow back from her face and hugged it close, still thinking. Sighing quietly, Allen’s eyes dropped closed and she fell asleep.

In the room not too far from hers, Kanda stared up at the ceiling, glancing over at Mugen. As he stared at the sword, he thought of the Order and everyone in it. He frowned a bit, wondering how much they hated him. He sighed, deciding sleep would be a good idea. 

It was about four in the morning when she woke from a nightmare. Panting and drenched in sweat, the girl rushed to sit up, aggravating her injured arm slightly. Allen frowned slightly, pulling her knees to her chest as she rested her head on them. Why was she so _weak_? Why couldn’t she protect anyone? Tears leaked from her eyes as she remembered her dream. It was horrible. The Order was completely destroyed by the Noah, there were no survivors. She remembered seeing Lenalee and Lavi lying among the rubble. Her heart shattered.

Sniffling a bit, Allen shakily stood from the bed, opening the door. She stepped out into the hallway, glancing over at Kanda’s room. She shook her head. _‘I don’t need his comfort...I need to get stronger...’_ She thought, quietly opening the door and leaving the house. Allen headed to the woods right by the small house they were staying at. She rolled up her sleeves a bit, before taking a small breath and releasing it. “C-Crown Clown!” She exclaimed, activating her innocence.

She began to train.

* * *

When Kanda woke up and went to Allen’s room, he had been expecting to see her sleeping peacefully. What he wasn’t expecting to see an empty bed. He frowned a bit. He checked the bathroom, not seeing her there. Next was the kitchen, no Moyashi there either. Beginning to grow worried, Kanda made his way outside. Could she have left the house? Was she in the village nearby? Frowning and growing more worried, he made his to the village. He stopped though when he heard a loud noise from the forest. 

Eyes narrowing, Kanda headed to the forest. “Oi! Moya...shi...” Kanda trailed off when he caught sight of Allen. What he saw there, he wasn’t expecting at all. Allen was using one arm to do push-ups, but her body was in the air. Allen stopped, looking up at Kanda.

“Good morning Kanda.” She greeted with a smile. Kanda frowned, noticing that smile was one of the smiles he hated most on her. It was her fake smile.

“Stop that.” He grumbled. The smile was wiped off her face and replaced with a frown.

“What do you mean?” She asked. Kanda looked at her, glaring slightly.

“What the fuck do you think I mean Moyashi? You’re _injured_. Che, you should be resting not training moron.” Kanda growled. Allen continued to frown and she pushed off her hand, landing on her feet.

“I can’t be resting..not at a time like this.” Allen murmured. Kanda stared at her as if she had multiple heads. 

“Idiot, you _should_ be resting at a time like this!” Kanda snapped. Allen moved her head in a way that made her bangs block her eyes. 

“Don’t you see Kanda?! I can’t be resting because I’m not strong enough right now!” Allen said, shocking Kanda. The Noah stared at her, not saying a word. “I’m not strong enough to protect them. I need to get stronger...I’m too weak right now...” She mumbled. Kanda’s eyes were hidden as he marched right up to her. Suddenly a loud slap echoed throughout the forest. Allen felt a sting on her cheek, her uninjured eye wide in surprise.

“You fucking idiot.” Kanda grumbled. “Che, I didn’t realize you became so selfish.” Allen stared at him, blinking.

“Kanda what are you-“

“Shut up.” Kanda interrupted her, freezing her in place with his glare. “Stupid Moyashi. You say you’re weak? Then explain how you were able to save all of those souls. Explain how you were able to protect Lenalee and that damn rabbit on our missions.” He said. “Explain how you were able to live this long.” Kanda growled, sending a shiver down Allen’s spine. “It’s selfish of you to risk hurting yourself like this just for strength baka!“

“B-But it isn’t for me!” Allen argued. Kanda frowned.

“It is. _You_  don’t think you’re strong enough. _You_ think you’re weak. Truth is Moyashi, you’re scared of being powerless. And you will be if you continue training while you’re injured. Che, you’re strong enough right now. So stop being so selfish and go rest dammit!” Kanda exclaimed, shocking Allen. The girl slowly nodded her head and she looked away from him. 

“Kanda..?” Allen asked quietly, looking at him. Kanda wasn’t looking in her direction anymore.

“It’s Yuu, baka Moyashi.” He mumbled, crossing his arms. Allen looked at him in shock, before a bright smile forced its way onto her face. She nodded.

“Thanks, Yuu.”

 _God_ , did Kanda miss hearing that name spill from her lips.

* * *

They had been without Allen for two weeks now. The female exorcist had been missing for _two weeks_. Lenalee and Lavi searched everywhere for the girl. But she was nowhere to be found. They had asked other exorcists if they had seen the girl with any Noah and the answer was the same. No. There were no sightings of her. Lenalee was worried. She and Allen were quite close. Allen was like a sister to her. Allen could be quite naive, and Lenalee found it was her job to help the girl anyway she needed. She was determined to find her. 

“Brother! Has there been any news?!” Lena questioned, Lavi standing next to her. The eccentric chief frowned a bit, sighing.

“I’m sorry. None of our finders have gotten hold of any information.” He apologized. Lavi frowned.

“ _Please_ Komui, just let us go back! I’m sure there’s something that we missed that could lead to finding her!” Lavi pleaded. Being a Bookman completely forgotten. He knew he shouldn’t care so much. He knew the old panda would be upset with him. But he didn’t care at the moment. He’d undergo any punishment needed if that meant finding Allen and bringing her home. Komui sighed quietly. 

“I can’t. We’re currently short on exorcists Lavi. I’m sorry.” He said, his voice laced with regret. Lavi frowned, as did Lenalee. Without saying a word, the two left Komui’s office.

“There has to be something we can do!” Lenalee exclaimed. Lavi looked at her, frowning.

“You heard Komui Lena. He isn’t going to let us leave.” The male reasoned. Lenalee didn’t respond, trying to figure out what to do. As she walked, a golden ball crashed into her. Her eyes lit up at the sight of it.

“Timcanpy!” She exclaimed happily. Lavi stared, surprised. She then turned to Lavi, smiling. “That’s it! We can use Tim to track Allen!” She said. Lavi frowned.

“But how are we going to leave the Order? Komui won’t send us.” He questioned. Lenalee’s eyes lit up in that mischievous way of hers.

“Who said brother had to know?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I finally updated. It’s been what, a month? Sorry about that guys, my finals are coming up so school’s been crazy. Anyways, sorry if anyone seemed OOC, this chapter was hard to write lol. I’m not sure when the next chapter will be considering I haven’t been very motivated to write recently. I hope you all enjoyed, and I’ll see you all in the next chapter! Bai!


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